The Dew on the Grass team has taken a break, during the month of August. Now, as a rather overcast summer turns into a spectacularly beautiful Autumn, it is back with another post, on the dual themes of Darkness and Light.
On rereading Chris Yeomans’s July post, in which she explores her sense of being “a terrestrial, and part of this creation”, leading to a realisation of having “no separate existence”, I was reminded of my own experience of Oneness, which occurred in a dream not long after I had begun practicing meditation some years ago. Although the circumstances and background ‘scenery’ are different in these two accounts, I believe that what they point to is the same. See what you think.
I sit in an empty space, with no sense of material substance around me. There is no light and no darkness, either. Simply, there is an endless absence of anything. As I sit in this emptiness, I suddenly become aware of myself as a separate being and I panic.
After some time in a state of sheer terror, I begin to steady my breathing, calm myself, and settle back into meditation, but this time I am meditating as an act of will in full acceptance of what appears to be empty, grey nonexistence. The premise of my acceptance is that if all that exists is the mind of meditation, then I will meditate for eternity, be content with that, and want nothing more. As I sit with this newly found acceptance, something miraculous happens; the hitherto empty space fills with light – it shimmers with a brightness akin to stars and mirrors but are not stars and mirrors but something unique and I am in joyful awe.
To some, this account may sound ‘off the wall’, but when I awoke, the next morning, a change had occurred. I was still me, with all my own biology, opinions, and difficulties of daily life. I still had all the attributes of a quite separate human being and at the same time, I knew with certainty that I was not separate from anything in the Universe.
Knowing this transforms the way we view the world. It does not make us immune to suffering, our own or other people’s, if anything, as we soften up and develop awareness, we feel it all the more, but we begin to understand the heart of it and the compassion within it. And this makes all the difference.
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Your experience sounds like one of those glimpses into the reality of our shared being Karen. Thank you for this inspirational piece.
Glimpses are a prelude to leaving the belief of being a separate self behind altogether and becoming fully established in your true nature.
Awakening from the belief of being a separate self is like awakening from the belief in Santa Claus. Where I am from, Santa Claus matters when you’re a child and every child goes throught this process. First, clues start to accumulate. You notice adults acting odd, parents disappearing stealthily, and then presents appearing mysteriously. Observing the evidence for some time, you kind of know, but you are still not entirely sure. Then finally there is that watershed moment when you just KNOW the truth about Santa Claus. The false belief in Santa Claus then leaves you completely and there is no turning back. That awakening to the truth is irreversible.
Similarly, first, clues start to accumulate against the belief of being a separate self as the supossed truth. Suffering is a major clue. The sense that there must be more to life than living for the limited self is another. Desire for the truth and seeking out some form of a spiritual path is yet another important clue. By turning truth-wards and observing the evidence for some time, the belief in being this separate entity starts to weaken, and you start to get more and more glimpses into the reality of your shared being. You kind of know your interconnectedness with everything but you also still belief to be this separate individual at the same time. The watershed moment is when you just KNOW you are that, and only that, which is unlimited, not subject to birth and death. The false belief of being this limited body-mind entity is then dispelled completely and there is no turning back. That awakening to the truth is irreversible.
Having realized the truth about Santa Claus, you can still very munch enjoy and celebrate Christmas. Having realized the truth about your true nature you can still appreciate the role of an individual and enjoy and celebrate the functions -thinking, feeling, perceiving – of this human body-mind. But these functions will no longer, or rarely, be highjacked by a false belief of being a limited entity.
A personal benchmark question I use at the moment to ascertain whether my perception is based on the truth or on a false belief is: Do I see a young-old-tall-short-white-black-male-female-kind-cruel person or do I see a manifestation of the Unborn?; do I see a tree-rock-mountain-table-chair-bus-building-street-sidewalk or do I see the face of the Unborn? Observing the consequences of actions may provide further clues whether perception and action are informed by the truth or by a false belief.
Sometimes it has a miraculous effect when you catch yourself mid-situation and switch from approaching it from the belief of being a limited self to approaching it from the truth of shared being. Sometimes you do catch yourself but cannot make the switch rightaway due to conditioning, as was the case recently. Well, hopefully next time then.